Sometimes you have to let go
by The-smell-after-it-rains
Summary: How do you go on when your world is crumbling down? When all that's left of you is a shadow? How do you pick up the pieces without cutting your fingers on the sharp edges? Do you when want to try anymore? I own nothing! Death, sex, suicide, alcohol, and drugs are mentioned. May contain triggers!


I felt a wave of uncertainty as I walked to the cold unforgiving-looking door toward the future thinking about all the things that had brought me here. I could have easily fallen back on drugs and alcohol and sex, like Keith, or taken the cowards escape after not being able drink away their memory after all these years, like Steve, but here I am, trying not to close my eyes as their faces seem to be permanently etched into my eyelids. I pushed on, throwing myself into my studies, running my only outlet.

Running always made me feel good, when I ran I could forget everything, it was just me running as far as I wanted. Back home I always imagined that I was running to Johnny, that I could save him, that everything was ok… but it's not ok. Everything had fallen apart and it was beyond repair. I really had to get out of that town and a scholarship to Saint Lawrence University did just that.

When summer began and everything was in place for me, and only then, did I let myself grieve. I cried and cursed destiny and fate and God and the Earth and the sky, anything and everything for taking them away from me. It was then when it got bad. I turned to anything that would numb me; alcohol, drugs, prescription painkillers. At one point I had thought I couldn't take it any longer and reached for the razor blade. Soda found me lying on the bathroom floor. He stared for a second with a look of pure horror, and then he kneeled down and kissed my bloody wrists before holding me tight as I sobbed.

"Oh god Pony I thought I had lost you too. Don't you dare do that ever again," he had said voice quivering. And I didn't. I couldn't do that to him, not after losing Darry to a grenade when he was fighting along side the marines, his marines, in Iraq and after seeing his face when he came in. It alone could split your heart in two.

When it was finally time to go I went to visit Cherry. She was trying hard not to break, the cracks showing ever so slightly if you really looked. She had to be strong, for herself and for her little angel. Being a single parent was hard, but Randy was around to help.

After Bob's death she found out that she was pregnant and Randy, being Bob's best friend, decided to help. Her angel was a little over three with little curls of red hair flying after her as she ran in the park, little did she know that it was the same place that her dad was stabbed all those years ago…

I walked through the sea of strangers toward my new home for the next four years, wishing that Johnny was here, he always knew what to say when I felt nervous or alone. I reached the dorm and upon opening it finding it was empty so I proceeded to unpack. And by unpack I mean throwing things hazardously into drawers except for a picture, which I placed on my night stand.

Said picture was of the gang, it was taken a few months before everything fell apart and it was the only one where all of us were in it and looking happy none the less. Dally was standing on a chair talking animatedly about something long forgotten, while Johnny was staring up at him like he was Jesus reincarnated. Darry and I were laugh at something Two-Bit had said and Steve and Soda were caught mid cartwheel. When it was taken I do not recall, but the feeling I had, that all of us had, will never be forgotten. A feeling of love, of belonging, feeling like we had a home, and a family. Something most of us didn't have before.

We all come together, well the ones that are left so Keith, Soda, and I, but never quite as happy. The only time I ever see Keith is on the anniversary of Johnny and Dally's death. Every year we come back to the very park were this all started and we light fireworks and drink till we don't know who we are. Even Soda would, though he doesn't like to drink.

Soda transcended to owning the car shop and he met a nice person and fell in love. He is married now and his "partner in crime", as Soda says, is gentle and sweet and is very good for him. I am glad Soda is so happy, he forgot all about Sally or Susan or whatever her name was.

I changed into some shorts and went out for a run, my feet flying across the track completely content and free. When I returned hours later I was not alone, on the other side of the room was a skinny dark haired boy lying on the bed reading Gone with the Wind. He looked up as I entered, his black orbs fitting nicely on his tanned face piercing my greenish gray ones.

"Hey! I'm Tyler, your new roommate."


End file.
